Our PACS ceremony—the casual event that never was.

What was supposed to be a very casual PACS ceremony turned into a pseudo-wedding…and a day I’ll never forget.

To find out what a PACS ceremony is and how to get PACSed, click here!

My boyfriend, Jan, and I moved in together in Paris at the beginning of January 2019. We had decided months beforehand that we would get PACSed once we lived together, since a PACS would help me stay in France once I am ineligible for a student visa (Carte de Séjour-étudiant). Being PACSed helps strengthen your dossier when applying for a Carte de Séjour- vie privée et familiale. Fortunately, I will be a student for another 2 years and do not need to start the application for a VPF until sometime in 2021.

When Jan and I decided to get PACSed we agreed to keep it casual. We were going to wear casual clothes and not invite anyone. A little while later I asked Jan about hiring a photographer to document the ceremony. He thought it was a bit much but agreed that we should have photos to show our family when we’re in our 60’s and reflect on our younger years in Paris. Then, a few months later, the father of the boy I nanny asked what I would be wearing to the ceremony. I replied, “something casual. Probably jeans.” He gasped and said, “Don’t tell my wife that!” His wife is a very well-known figure in the fashion industry and famously only wears skirts and dresses. This 10-second interaction inspired me to NOT wear pants. When I told Jan that I wanted to wear a dress, he thought the idea was cool.

For the next month, I was planning on wearing something I already had in my closet. I basically ignored the thought of buying something new, as I wanted it to be a casual and humble affair. A friend of mine from Scotland eventually convinced me to go shopping with her at Les Halles to try to find a dress. We left with two new shirts, and no dress.

The day before our ceremony, I decided to throw a Hail Mary and try Les Halles again. My first stop was Zara and I tried on 5 dresses. None of them were the one. However, on my way out of the store, I spotted a gorgeous white dress. I tried to ignore it. How could I wear a white dress to our CASUAL PACS ceremony? But after trying it on, I knew it was the right one. I sent Jan a message telling him I bought a dress and that it was…white. He asked me to send him a photo and once he saw it he said, “that’s a beautiful dress.”

What is a PACS and how do I get one in France?

A PACS (Pacte Civil de Solidarité) is a civil union in France between two people in a romantic relationship that live together. The benefits of being PACSed are similar to marriage in France:

Tax relief and Social Security benefits
Days off work in case of the death or a partner, birth or adoption
The employer must take into account the holiday dates of the other partner.
If both partners work for the same company, the employer must allow the same holiday dates.
If the partner is pregnant, the other partner has the right to attend three obligatory medical examinations.
Plus more which you can find here.

The rules are simple: you cannot get a PACS with a family member, you cannot get a PACS if you are already married, and you must live together with your partner.

Since my boyfriend, Jan, is not French (he’s Belgian), he needed to file for the same amount of paperwork as me. For those who are interested in getting a PACS, I will include a list of documents I needed to obtain for the application.

American Citizen documents for PACS:

A copy of your passport and Carte de Séjour (if you have one)
Birth certificate dated, apostilled, and translated within 3 months (a birth certificate dated more than 3 months old is not accepted). [My father needed to go to the town I was born in on Long Island to receive a new birth certificate for me, then go to New York City to get an official Apostille, send it to me in Paris via UPS, and then I needed to find a certified translator in Paris to translate the document.]
An “attestation sur l’honneur” which certifies that you and your partner are not related.
A “certificat de non-pacs” which you fill out and can send electronically. They sent the documents to our apartment within a week (one for each partner).
A “certificat de coutume” which you need to print out from the American Embassy website and then go to the Embassy and have the document notarized. The fee is $50.
“Convention of Pacs” which will be given to you at your local Mairie (town hall).
“Déclaration conjointe d’un pacte civil de solidarité (Pacs)” which will also be given to you at your local Mairie.

The documents Jan needed were the same, except he didn’t need his birth certificate or “certificate de coutume” notarized (lucky bastard).

We were able to gather all of our documents within one month. We walked into our local Mairie and asked to submit our dossier (without an appointment). They examined the dossier and after 10 minutes told us it was acceptable. They said we would receive a text message confirming when our documents had been approved within two weeks. We received the text message two days later and finally scheduled our ceremony date for two months later, when it was a bit warmer and we both had the same time off work. It was a generally smooth process. And luckily, on the day of our ceremony after raining all day, the sun came out about an hour before our ceremony began. I know that’s cheesy, but it was perfect.

Katherine